Life Doesn’t Play Out As Scripted

I walked resignedly down the hallway away from the closed door.

I stopped in my tracks.

The unresolved was with me, another presence hanging in the empty space.

I stood for a moment listening to my heart beat and my breath coming in and out. Most of all, I listened to my thoughts as they circled upon each other. It was a cycle I know all too well. Some inner voice finally whispered, “basta.” Enough.

Door Detail“Wouldn’t you rather know?”

Yes… but… I’m afraid. I’m afraid of the “what if”s. I’m afraid to be the one to put myself out there. I’m afraid it will end badly.

“Yes. Yes. But wouldn’t you rather know?!”

I sighed deeply.

I drew deep on my courage and turned on my heel. I walked up to the door with a hand poised to knock.

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Strong, Stubborn or Stupid: Why I finish(ed)

It is the smallest of cracks that send us careening ofttimes.

My third GoRuck Challenge, this one in Munich, was going so very well. The welcome party was welcoming to my favorite brand of fun, the weather was perfect, I was enjoying connecting with comrades new and old as well as rousing renditions of Sponge Bob Squarepants (great wrap video of the entire event).

It was good livin’ at its best. Until it wasn’t.
29_Park_Flags

It was mid-afternoon and I was carrying the flag. We were simply doing a “shuffle” up a sidewalk. I noticed the water egress cover but stayed in line.

Then I was falling.

Even on the way down I thought “this is going to be bad.”

I didn’t get my hands out in time.

The brim of my hat offered little resistance to the concrete and my mouth hit hard. The bruises on my knees that only fully developed a week later say that it could have been worse. But it was bad enough.

I lay face down on the concrete for a about 10 seconds, hearing shouts and shuffles around me. I tasted blood.

I composed my game face and said into the white stone: “I’m fine. I think I lost a tooth.”

Munich_Ouch3I had, indeed, chipped off about half my front tooth. My lip was busted up pretty good. After I asked for “please, only one voice,” Cadre tended to my wounds as best he could in the middle of a sidewalk. I was a bloody mess but didn’t require stitches (or so we thought).

Then he had one question: Do you want to go to the hospital?

“I want to finish.”

It was perhaps too much adrenaline. My lip had stopped bleeding, the damage to my tooth ugly but done. There was nothing, I thought, that the ER or a doc could do for me.

Right then, I had something very important to do for me.

I got myself up and, I’m not sure if it was outloud or not, said: “I’m going to finish.”

If you want the pictorial version of the story, click here through to my new sandbox site Tredecem.

Finishing

It was never a question really. It was, after all, just my face.”Merely a flesh wound.”

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Figure That Sh*t Out

“Please. Please. Just start.”

Tennessee SunsetIt is Tuesday, 8am EST. I’m supposed to be waking up in Oklahoma City. Instead, I’m willing Stan the Tan Sedan to start and make it to the Honda dealer 13 miles away in Chattanooga, Tennessee

This is the second time in as many days that I have had my head on Stan’s steering wheel, willing him to please, please just go.

I’ve cried twice since the start to my Great Adventure to World Domination (and back). Neither time was during the GoRuck Challenge.

I would so much rather embrace the GRC suck again then spend the last 2 days as I have. Give me a fountain to pushup in, a flag to hold, a stream to cross, a buddy to carry… something, anything within or even outside of my physical limits.

I got it. Give me more. I will push and find the strength…grin into the pain.

But bad decisions to be dealt with? Plans collapsing? Frustration upon frustration? Loss of control? Mental and Emotional wringer?

Uncle.

Which of course, is why the Universe decided to toss those type of curveballs at me. Thanks for making me strengthen my weaker side by lobbing all these tests my direction.

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Be the one who says “I’m in.”

Untitled I feel stuck in a rut… so I’m going to jump off a bridge.

Oh wow that sounds a lot more dramatic than it actually is. I’m safe and well, promise. I have no plans to harm myself or others… well except for the jumping off the bridge part — but that isn’t til July!

Let me ‘splain…

If your friends jumped off a bridge…

Don’t call 9-1-1 but this is an emergency post. Just as I did last week, I’m writing on Tuesday with Wednesday deadline looming large. I have about 4 posts 90% “there” but I think they are lacking. My work is missing that little pizzaz to be proud of… cue metaphor for my life.

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