Strong, Stubborn or Stupid: Why I finish(ed)

It is the smallest of cracks that send us careening ofttimes.

My third GoRuck Challenge, this one in Munich, was going so very well. The welcome party was welcoming to my favorite brand of fun, the weather was perfect, I was enjoying connecting with comrades new and old as well as rousing renditions of Sponge Bob Squarepants (great wrap video of the entire event).

It was good livin’ at its best. Until it wasn’t.
29_Park_Flags

It was mid-afternoon and I was carrying the flag. We were simply doing a “shuffle” up a sidewalk. I noticed the water egress cover but stayed in line.

Then I was falling.

Even on the way down I thought “this is going to be bad.”

I didn’t get my hands out in time.

The brim of my hat offered little resistance to the concrete and my mouth hit hard. The bruises on my knees that only fully developed a week later say that it could have been worse. But it was bad enough.

I lay face down on the concrete for a about 10 seconds, hearing shouts and shuffles around me. I tasted blood.

I composed my game face and said into the white stone: “I’m fine. I think I lost a tooth.”

Munich_Ouch3I had, indeed, chipped off about half my front tooth. My lip was busted up pretty good. After I asked for “please, only one voice,” Cadre tended to my wounds as best he could in the middle of a sidewalk. I was a bloody mess but didn’t require stitches (or so we thought).

Then he had one question: Do you want to go to the hospital?

“I want to finish.”

It was perhaps too much adrenaline. My lip had stopped bleeding, the damage to my tooth ugly but done. There was nothing, I thought, that the ER or a doc could do for me.

Right then, I had something very important to do for me.

I got myself up and, I’m not sure if it was outloud or not, said: “I’m going to finish.”

If you want the pictorial version of the story, click here through to my new sandbox site Tredecem.

Finishing

It was never a question really. It was, after all, just my face.”Merely a flesh wound.”

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Serendipity

The train stopped on the tracks 200 yards past a rural station.

We were about an hour into a Praha to Vienna trip and as my computer clocked continued increasing I ticked down to 0 from the 7 minutes I had to make my connection back home – the last one for the night. I glanced out of the window and saw conductors and then passengers start to meander past.

My tummy rumbled and I thought again of the somewhat-past-prime vegetables I had removed from my bag in the morning. At the time I thought “I’m going to regret this later.” Indeed. An announcement in German was of little assistance and so I turned to my fellow cabin mates.
Waiting for the Train

“I’m sorry but do you know what is going on?”

“Something on the track ahead… we have to wait.”

“Did they say how long?”

“No.”

Over the course of the next hour plus, between getting fresh air, stretching on the segmented gravel, and a few picture opportunities, I learned of the accident at a crossroad on our track. I said a silent prayer for the person, family and friends who were all having a much worse day than I. An 140 minute delay is naught compared to life’s other wreckage.

Sitting back in my computer as we slowly made our way down the tracks I mentally prepared for changing arrangements. Again, glancing out of the window I breathed deep for the beautiful sunset over russet trees and fields of green.

My inner voice sighed contentedly, “relax, appreciate what you have and enjoy the journey.”

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Time to Paint

Van Gogh didn’t start painting until he was 27.

Artist StudioAfter three fantastic days in Amsterdam, including perhaps the best day ever complete with finding amazing boots just my size in a vintage shop when I had worn a hole in my old shoes (talk about the Universe rising up to meet your feet), it is my time in the temporary home of the Van Gogh collection that is still swirling in my brain.

Vincent didn’t start thinking about creating a life as a painter until he was 27. I have a particular affinity for this factoid as I had my own little life revolution at the same age. Yet, more largely, it says: It is never too late to start.

Perhaps it screams it.

It is never too late to start on your path to greatness.

Don’t think you have time? Vincent’s entire oeuvre? 10 years. And he considered most of that “practice.”

What is your soul screaming out to do?

Don’t know? That is ok. Painting was Van Gogh’s 3rd attempt at a life.

Try.

The important part is the starting.

I’ve met so many who have expressed regret at not studying abroad, not traveling, not switching careers, not moving to a new town, not trying that unknown place (even the one down the street!), not reinventing into a different path. They are seeped in regret and sadness. Lett ing “not” to rule is the the surest way to unhappiness.

I’m also loving this quotation these days: If you want what you’ve never had, try what you’ve never done.

Why not pull a Vincent and dare to do differently?

Pick up your proverbial brush and begin.

Be IN always,

Jo

 

PS – I’m writing between catnaps on a train from Berlin to Prague. Perhaps it is my belly happy with fantastic Tibetan food, but train travel seems to suit my go-go soul. Undaunted by a much improved but still healing smile , I took off from Florence for the fall break with my EuroRail pass and only a vague plan for the week. It has been a pleasant blur of perfection. 

Fallen Caryatid

I sit at my computer and the words just will not come.

Shine onI don’t want to talk about it.

I don’t want to think about it.

I don’t want to explain it.

I don’t want to tell the story one more damn time.

I just want it to go away.

My emotions, you might have guessed, are running pretty high.

I took a tumble during the GoRuck Challenge in Munich over the weekend. Somewhere between renditions of the Spongebob Squarepants theme song you see in this highlight reel, I tripped over a manhole cover while carrying the flag and fell on my face. I broke off half a front tooth and busted up my lip pretty good.

Stubborn chick I am, I finished the challenge and earned my 3rd GRT patch.

That was the easy part.

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150 Blank Pages to Fill

It was an emotional challenge to fill the last page of my old journal/planner/notebook.scrapbook.

It covered just under a year. Such varying events and moments condensed into less than 100 scrawled pages of ramblings and lists.

ParisI spent an hour flipping back through every page and copying over notes and writings that I couldn’t help but carry forward from my old tome.

After a year of weekly posts, one might think that this blogging thing would be easier. One would be quite wrong.

I still struggle to find the words to encapsulate my experiences. I’m battling the balance of living and writing especially during these full weeks. I want to be out doing, seeing, engaging, connecting, opening, expanding, loving my life with ferocity and consumptive fire.

There are rare times that I have the compulsion to write at length. Most often, however, it is a passing thought of “I should write about…” or a catchy title or sentence that I have repeating over and over in my brain.

I have pages of “starts” but few “finishes” in the banks.

When the muse visits for a long chat, I relish the words forming under my pen. I cherish the missives after the moments have passed.

It was with heavy heart that I faced the replacement my old notebook. Yet, as she often does, the Universe provided a perfect new one to purchase in Paris. And, to ease the ache, I was gifted with a glorious afternoon to first scrawl upon the pages.

On the banks of the Seine 9/29

My only regret is that my legs do not feel strong enough to run… that and that I not a poet nor a painter. Throwing gratitude by the fistful that I am here.

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