Not Good at Goodbyes

My bags are packed (not really)It is profoundly unbelievable to me that my next post will come from Florence, Italy.

I look at that sentence and the words just start to lose their meaning. It is as if it is a story I am reading about someone else instead of a sentence happening to me.

Inconceivable!

“I do not think that word means what you think it means.”

Oh, but it does. I can’t wrap my mind around the idea that I’ll be living abroad in 4 days… until faced with the realities of saying goodbye.

It is coming in waves. They break faster now as my time gets shorter.

I had to hug my brothers for the last time before departure the weekend and one hit me broadside. Dan said, “you’re still not good at goodbyes…” Nope. I get chocked up just thinking about the moment. No. I’m still not good at goodbyes. My brain absolutely short circuits when I think about kissing Little Miss for the last time.

Bidding farewell to those that we love shouldn’t be easy should it?

Saying sinara to stuff is one thing. To let go of people and face the reality of being a half a world away from them — that is something else entirely.

Under the excitement

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Divesting of Stuff

PensWhere did I get so many pens? And hangers? And scraps of paper? And bottles of lotion? And shoes?

Why on earth have I kept this for so long?

As I make preparations for Italy (10 Days?!) I’ve been dealing with a lot of stuff.

No, that isn’t euphemism for the emotional calisthenics my heart and mind have been running. I mean I’m divesting myself of my junk, by articles, my items, my possessions, my baggage, my crap.

I’m more annoyed that I have to deal with it than anything else. A rather large part of me wants to pack a small suitcase and simply walk away.

I have visions of that scene in “Waiting to Exhale” of piling all the stuff — but my stuff, not my cheating husband’s — into a giant heap and setting fire to it.

I’d confidently stride away looking fierce, snap my fingers and say “never again.”

Overdramatic? Maybe a touch, but that is how deep my desire to be rid of the things right now is. I’m getting rid of as much as I can for, in my mind, my time in Florence isn’t a little sojourn over to Europe. It isn’t even a year fellowship in my mind. In my preparations I am overhauling my life and my concept of “home.”

Florence is the first stop in what I hope to be a longterm nomadic life.

Tis a life that doesn’t need quite so many pens.

Saving

I’ve always had this “rainy day” mentality. Save things for when you will need them. Save them because they are too nice to use. Save them so they don’t go to waste…

Saving so long the act of saving becomes wasteful. [Read more…]

Stress Fracture

Untitled

“Don’t stop.”

“Just keep moving.”

“One foot in front of the other”

“Everything is fine.”

“Don’t complain, just keep doing.”

“Keep calm and carry on.”

Sound familiar?

Sound dangerous?

That’s what we do right? We push through.

“When the going gets tough, the tough keep going.”

That is me.

I’m working towards this amazing goal. This bright shining bacon of accomplishment. Everyone is excited and anticipatory for the end.

But what of the time and distance inbetween. What toll does that take?

Repetitive stress injury

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Wolf Whistles

ConfusionOn the road today, I stopped in a midwest town to fill my tank.

After emptying my, ahem, “tank” in the store, I was walking back to my car when I got what I’m sure makes every woman’s heart go pitter patter with joy: a wolf whistle.

Really?

My back to the offender — big pickup with a few buddies is my assumption though I didn’t turn to look — I rolled my eyes and continued walking.

So he tries again louder, faltering just a hitch on the opening note.

It at least garnered him a snicker once I got into my car. But I knew better than to look back. I was ready to let it go but damn if it didn’t get under my skin.

I tweeted out “Yeah buddy, whistle again louder, because the problem the first time was that I didn’t hear you.”

The more I think about it, the more it bothers me. I just don’t understand.

I had this whole post in the works about being open, belonging and other nice fluffy feelings. But apparently my theme for the week is the pickup game and so I’m rolling with it. Stay tuned to the end for your chance to win some payola at uncouth boys’ expense.

Oh and if you missed my guest post on my friend Gutsy Geek’s most excellent site, please check it out and give a girl some feedback.

What the hell is up with a wolf whistle?

Seriously, I want to know.

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From Mountain to Mundane

No idling“I just want to do something mindless”

The thought catches me unaware. Still it is somehow not surprising.

I know I have been idling for the last week (if not 3). I’ve taken care of the things that absolutely must be done. But my heart hasn’t been in it.

I am restless but yet feeling incredibly lethargic and unmotivated.

I don’t want to tackle the next thing on my to do list. I don’t want to work. I don’t want to be doing school. I don’t want to plan nor prioritize. I don’t want to push the ball forward. I don’t want to get up and go.

I don’t want to deal with the mundane of “real life.”

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