Acceptance

I wanted this.

I worked for it.

I achieved it.

Simple right?

Last Friday I was offered an internship as the librarian for my University’s Study Center in Florence. As in Italy.

After quite literally falling on the floor when I got the email I thought about it for oh about 20 seconds… Um they are supporting me living a year in effing Tuscany? Not only a “hell yeah” I think this qualifies as a hell-damn-your-sweet-skippy-arse YES!

I penned my (more eloquent) “yes” with great, wild, crazy, joy and trembling hands… before they could change their minds. Then I was literally running around chasing my niece and smiling like an idiot in laughing, gleeful, abandon.

Relief. Release. Disbelief.   

I don’t know how many times I can express pure dumbfoundedness at where my life is and where it is going without sounding completely rudderless. I promise I’m in control. I might not plan things through A-B-C but I worked for this with intention and purpose.

Not studying abroad was my great regret from undergraduate school and I was and am determined not to let an opportunity pass me by again. This is a planned step. Not the only potential one but the one I wanted most.

I researched: I found out everything I could about the center, the program, the current position holder, the job responsibilities and the Director with whom I had a (15minute?!) phone interview.

I networked: I met the internship director at a conference in the Spring, I took her classes and tried to excel. I made a more solid connection with the student currently doing the internship and asked for advice and information (Thank you Justin!)

I worked: I’ve been busting my butt to do well in classes — goodness knows I didn’t study the first time through school — so that I have a CV and transcript that shines. I also tried to establish good cred with professors connections and looked for opportunities to expand my skills outside the classroom.

I worked it: Both in my essay and then in the interview I sold the hell out of myself and concentrated on what I could do. (No “gimmie a dollar” but instead: “here is what I will do for you”)

All that effort paid off. I’m accepted. I will do. And do a fine job of it because I’m incapable of giving less.

While doing so I’ll BE LIVING IN ITALY! Traveling, seeing, doing as much for me as possible and along the way accomplishing a big goal on my impossible list.

Caffe, i Libri e Birra per tutti!

I’m excited, nervous, impatient, overwhelmed, ecstatic. Most of all, at this moment, I’m appreciative that I was put in the path of this opportunity and I thank myself that I opened myself up to it and I earned it.

Thank you Universe for conspiring with me to get to “yes.” 

My gratitude is especially deep because even with listing my efforts, blast it all if I’m having trouble accepting my acceptance. I’m defaulting to thankful, diminishing my accomplishment and the future possibilities, because I’m struggling to believe that I deserve the opportunity.

It has been harder for me to write this post than it should be. It feels like bragging which is uncomfortable for me. It is amazing how I can downplay accomplishment even after a big win.

I’m trying to concentrate instead on my excitement and anticipatory happiness. I’m trying to tell my negative brain to shut the hell up and smile. Just maybe next August when I’m having my first espresso in Florence, I’ll be able to sip with acceptance.

A presto…